#4 11/12/2023
It's been several days since i broke the camel's back. I wanted to make this one since the beggining of the creation of this site, but i ended up having issues at what to even feel about it anymore and it was hard to what to start about what i am just thinking of, i am slowly starting to feel a little "better" than before, and when i mean better i mean not having an internal mind collapse and bursting to tears everytime i just even think a bit about the situation and how for being a complete whiner for not having what i wanted out of this friendship and not get triggered by the most stupidiest word as like 'friend', this is probably the lowest and absurdest temporal trigger i had, having probably the worst anxious feeling i ever had and wanting to throw up twice because the feelings i was having were way too overwhelming to handle, i didn't managed to though, bummer, i ended up having a gassy battered stomach for a while. It felt like if i got a fever, the time where i noticed i couldn't contact them anymore, it started to get pretty horrible and i was so desperate to get them back to talk to me and tried i was so tired to get up, had this absurd dream where they would come to me to say sorry out of no reason like if they did something, it's just my mind desperate for them reach out to me again. which i have idea if i will get back to it.
I'm on a state that this time i have nowhere to escape, everything just feel off and i can't manage to keep it up with my life, even if for now i am only saying it because i am depressed of the events, but if i want to be honest and even if doesn't sound it like that, i don't think i'd like to keep on this joke anymore, i'll be fighting it, even if i get too comfortable.